Angstattacken/Anxiety - A field guide

[irrelevant]

Sorry about your experience. Hope you got what you needed elsewhere.

[Sommernacht]

I was there during a panic attack two years ago and got rejected. The gave me some tea and a smile, but I felt left alone. No front though, it was Saturday morning and the tent was filled to the brim. I understood that your capacities were exhausted. No worries.

It relieves me to read that you had a similar experience, I went there once and said that I didn’t feel good but I was sober, but I also had the feeling that they weren’t too interested in talking to me so I figured that maybe I was in the wrong there (which is why I asked earlier in this thread).

Maybe it’s just my autism keeping me from reading social cues and thinking/misinterpreting they didn’t want to talk to me or maybe they were just busy. It’s at least good to know that in theory that it is the right place.

I feel like maybe we anxious people should have a meet up to see that we’re not alone. I often feel like I only see people enjoying themselves and feeling comfortable which in turn makes me feel like I am insufficient in some way.

[irrelevant]

Maybe it’s just my autism keeping me from reading social cues and thinking/misinterpreting they didn’t want to talk to me or maybe they were just busy. It’s at least good to know that in theory that it is the right place.

I feel like maybe we anxious people should have a meet up to see that we’re not alone. I often feel like I only see people enjoying themselves and feeling comfortable which in turn makes me feel like I am insufficient in some way.

I feel you, and can relate. Some kind of go-to point in such cases actually is a great idea. Any suggestion as to where?

[robiro]

Thank you for that Post! I am myself on the journey to the real bottom of our hearts, far away from the ignoring self-optimized darwinism. That's for over 20 years. Had to manage and cope with some pretty traumatic events leading to those kind of symptoms you mentioned. I got around it and frankly, it's a reason this will be my ~13 Fusion (it gets blurry): nowhere else I've experienced something getting that close to a really profound caring and compassionate society. So let's meet up and talk about our experiences. If you're game. I'll be in paradise from Monday evening. Have a beautiful and enlightening fusion all of you, no matter what! <3

[Sommernacht]

I feel you, and can relate. Some kind of go-to point in such cases actually is a great idea. Any suggestion as to where?

Maybe we should still just go to Eclipse if it is the space meant for that. We can find each other there maybe.

[irrelevant]

I feel you, and can relate. Some kind of go-to point in such cases actually is a great idea. Any suggestion as to where?

Maybe we should still just go to Eclipse if it is the space meant for that. We can find each other there maybe.

Fair enough. Just outside/by the entrance, if it's full or whatever, perhaps.

[lanora]

I am also happy someone is picking up this topic.
I hope your guide helps others to work through it, though at Fusion there‘s so many Impressions at once, it can be challenging even for those who are further in their journey.
For me, when I feel the anxiety creeping up, I am quite radical now in exposing myself to it. This could be that a scary thought/idea/intrusion comes up and I am either trying to answer it with „maybe this will happen, maybe not“ or to even agree with the fear.
If this doesn’t work in midst of the crowd, I would look for a ‚quiet’ spot and really take some minutes to sit through the fear, not fighting it, agreeing with it, feeling the adrenaline rise and then at some point fall again.
The better you will become in this, the more you will at some point manage to prevent any reaction to it. Just notice the thought, say to yourself ‚sure, maybe, maybe not‘ and move on with your life.
These techniques are from a Therapy form called ‚Exposure and Response Prevention‘ which is recommended for OCD sufferers. As all of these are in the anxiety spectrum - this therapy method also helps with anxiety attacs, as you often develop this kind of obsessive fear of the fear itself. I can only recommend it - it helped me a lot. After suffering for almost three years from panic attacks, I can say that my last attack is now a few years in the Past already

Oh - and as we are talking about Fusion: drugs might not be the best choice to numb the anxiety. Even though the FoMo might be calling, seeing all the other people having the time of their lifes - you‘re actually not missing out sober but rather experiencing and remembering much more and preventing yourself from a harsh come down, that might increase your anxiety level to the max…
Just be patient and kind with yourself - maybe the times for partying like this will come back in the future. For now, you might need another Fusion experience which may just be equally great <3

[ben_]

I wish that I had read that post a week ago.

This year was my first Fusion and what is described is exactly what happened to me on the second night.

I created this account to share my story.

Like most people, I was having lots of fun before and during the night.
However, at some point during the evening, I lost my friends in the crowd and started to explore the shiny night alone. It was a stunning experience. Happy people everywhere. Good vibes and brilliant music. In the morning, I decided to go to the Turmbühne to dance into the sunrise. It was very nice at first, but then the feeling changed. I started to pick up voices in the background. A few words and sentences from conversations of other people. Someone was talking behind me and I felt like they were talking about me; calling out my name, saying negative things, and looking at me when I turned my head. The anxiety got worse over time. I went to a different spot to dance to avoid the talking, but it just continued. I felt followed and observed. Everything is about you, but not in a positive way. It was no more fun at all.

It got better the next day after I spend a long time resting and sleeping. When I got out of my tent, I had my friends back in the camp; laughing and having fun. The world started to look better again. I took it easier the next few days and tried to avoid getting left alone, which definitely helped a lot.

I could enjoy the rest of the festival, and today, I am feeling pretty normal again. I am glad that I was able to enjoy most of it, and experience this parallel universe. I realize, that it was likely all just in my head; sleep deprived and intoxicated. I will be more careful of what I put my body through and how I act and what I say around others at Festivals such as the Fusion. I can see how picking up a few negative words from completely unrelated conversations could trigger or enhance such anxiety or paranoia for others. Once it starts, the downwards spiral begins. A good hug and a nice reassuring talk might have pulled me out of it, though, who would want to approach someone who is (probably) acting so weird?!

I hope sharing this is appreciated. Maybe it even helps someone. At least it helped me writing this down.

[Berliner Tanzfreund]

DISCLAIMER: I am not a therapist or professionally trained to give advice on this topic. If you suffer from anxiety and /or depression, please seek professional help! However, as someone who suffers from anxiety and who went through therapy, I spend a lot of time and energy to do research on this topic and wanted to share my insights and my experience on a topic which is still a taboo to a certain extent. All the claims and information are based on my studies (Cognitive Science) and mostly on CFT (Compassion focused therapy - "The compassionate Mind" by Paul Gilbert), all evidence-based and deeply inspired by Zen-Buddhism (without the religious stuff!).

POV: You are at Turmbühne with your friends, great evening, great music. But something feels off. You can sense a fear creeping up, but don't know why. Maybe you caught a weird look or overheard a verbal argument which triggered something negative inside you. But one thing is clear: You are not having it! Fusion is only once a year, you MUST have fun! There is no room for negativity like that, so you start to fight it - but it gets worse. Now you worry about worrying too much, worrying that you are destroying the nice moment right now and worrying whether it will stop soon or that you won't be able to enjoy the set of the DJ you wanted to see live on stage for so long. Sometimes these thoughts can spiral into a full-blown panic attack and tadaa - your evening is ruined. How great.... Worst part about that? No one around you can relate. Everyone has fun except of you. Now you feel disconnected, alone and maybe even blame yourself to feel that way. Maybe you feel like a burden to your friends and just want to creep into your tent, hoping to fall asleep soon so you can escape this agony. Sounds familiar?

Thoughts like these are quite common and can even lead to chronic anxiety and depression. It is estimated that over 1/4 of adults suffer from this at least once in their live, the tendency is rising. So bringing awareness to this is super important and to give people an idea on how to live with such a disease or how they can help a friend going through it. But first, let us understand the underlying functionality of fear.

Fear is one of the oldest and most important functionalities of our brain and extremely useful. It helps us detect dangers and to protect ourselves from them, even helps us to think ahead of time to prevent even getting into trouble. It triggers a flight/fight-response and urges us to do something about a threat. The part of our brain which is responsible for this is the Amygdala. It is part of the limbic system (the 'old' brain), where all our emotions are being regulated, and is extremely well interconnected with the rest of the brain to enable fast responses to sudden changes in our environment. For example, there is a "fast lane" from our eyes to the Amygdala, where the visual information is being interpreted and decided whether there is a threat or not. This process is waaay faster compared to the time the information takes to reach our visual cortex ('new' brain) where we can consciously process what we see. That's why we can get spooked by our flat mate who comes around the corner before we can decide that they are not a threat and that we can relax.

So why do I tell you this? Well, it is important to have the right attitude towards fear. While it is a rather uncomfortable sensation, we have to acknowledge its usefulness and be aware that it is simply our brain protecting us. Building a healthy distance between you and your emotions/thoughts gives you enormous power over them. Remember the example from earlier: People often act as THEY are responsible for their emotions and easily start to blame themselves for this. And if they are responsible for having those emotions, then they should be able to turn them off again, right? That's the start of the problem. You are actually NOT in control of your emotions and thoughts, but you have control over the way you think about them. As an observer, you have the possibility to react to your thoughts and emotions in a way that you can take out a lot of steam and behave in a compassionate way towards yourself. However, it is a skill you will have to train and which will take time, but it is not hard nor something "magical" you can only achieve when you meditate for an eternity on a mountain. The key to this is simple: consistency.

Our thoughts and thinking patterns are manifested in neurological connections which form over time. The more you make use of certain connections, the stronger they become. If you are a pessimistic person, that's mostly due to the fact that your brain is wired in a specific way. Having this in mind, it is impossible for you to wake up one day and feel different. However, studies have shown that you are able to rewire those connections. So if you notice that you start to think negatively about yourself again, notice this and actively challenge those thoughts without condemning having them. Sound familiar? That's what you do in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) - rewiring your brain again over time! It is a process which takes time and effort, but one that is very promising and which gave me hope when I was battling with depression. The world wasn't dull and gray, it was just the way my brain was wired! It was certain habits in thinking, and just as you change other habits (like when you quit smoking), you have to stay on track and patiently change your mental habits.

OK OK, enough theory! What can you do to work on this?

1) Meditation: The obvious. The goal here is not to think about "nothing", but rather to bring your concentration back to something you choose. It can be your breath, the way your muscles work when walking, or something else. The point here is not to hold this concentration as long as possible, but rather notice when your mind wanders off to another thought and then to gently bring it back. It is more of a biceps-curl rather than holding a plank. Studies have shown that meditating for 30 mins a day for a month can already alter the color (fewer nucleoids -> less gray -> less active) of the Amygdala on brain scans. How crazy is that?! Furthermore, meditating can help you to let go of intrusive thoughts and get to the healthy distance I was talking about earlier. Just start with one minute a day and slowly increase the amount. If you think that meditation is nothing for you - it is a habit you can grow into. So no excuses!

2) Mindfulness: Very similar to mediation. Here, you try to be in the here and now by concentrating on sensory information. You can sit in a park and observe the world around you without judgment. You can pick up a leaf and just look at it, notice the way the leaf is structured, how it dried up on some spots and how the sunshine is being reflected by it. Exercises like that are the ultimate antidote against anxiety, since it brings us back in the here and now, where we usually have nothing to be scared of. No lion attacking us far and wide. You are just at the Turmbühne where everything is ok!

3) Compassion: Compassion has a key role in Zen-Buddhism, and rightfully so. In a nutshell, it is recognizing that you are the product of your genes and environment, that you are not to blame for the way you are or the way the world is and which helps you to accept yourself and others just the way you/they are. Just going with the "flow of things". Acceptance plays a major role in the way you react to your thoughts and situations which are uncomfortable. Having fear? That's normal, that's just the way I am! Someone did not show up at a gathering point? Well, this person surely has their problem or simply forgot about it. Obviously, this concept is far more complex, and I am surely not doing the best job describing it right now. I am highly advertising to look up the book I am referring to. I meditated and practiced mindfulness for a long time with mediocre results, compassion was the last piece for me to get a better grip on anxiety and I think that it is just as important as the other two.

So what can you do next time you feel anxiety? This is the main problem - You can't and should do anything! The core problem in wanting to do something AGAINST fear is that you then haven't ACCEPTED it fully! If you meditate or practice mindfulness to get rid of the fear, it may go away, but then you will ask yourself "Is it gone? When will it come back again?" and poof, it is there again! Instead of pushing the fear away, you have to give it room and treat it as something good! Sounds impossible, but believe me, together with constant training this will be manageable for you. Just keep on doing what you do right now and try to relax. You will be fine, you suffered through worse anxiety than that!

And if you want to support a friend with anxiety, don't feel sorry for them. Acknowledge their anxiety, offer to take a walk or to go wash the face with cold water. Try to help them remember that they are ok and that it will pass, and that it is just their brain trying to protect them!

I hope I could give a little bit of insight into this topic and maybe this will help someone out there pulling through it. I am posting this here because I remember some posts where such symptoms were discussed, and that people usually are not well-informed about this topic and can easily act in a way that makes people who suffer through this uncomfortable. A festival of the caliber of the fusion is the perfect environment for anxiety to flourish: Lack of sleep, constant noise and social interactions, little private space and drugs - an insane stress and hormonal disbalance for our brains!

So keeps safe out there and remember: Our brain is just doing its best. We should treat it with more compassion.

Thank you. Describing what is literally happening in me sometimes gave me a relief because it showed that im not the only one thinking like this. Your POV is on point and until now i didnt realize this is what is called a Angstattacke, because this sounds so big and I'm not like screaming in fear or something. I have exact these feelings in several moments and feel guilty because i can not explain "what's wrong" I most of the times just tell my friends that i dont feel good and leave, leaving them disappointed. Posts like this will help to put awareness on it and makes it easier to explain what is happening inside of oneself. thanks also for your tips.

[Dübelfreund]

I am also happy someone is picking up this topic.
I hope your guide helps others to work through it, though at Fusion there‘s so many Impressions at once, it can be challenging even for those who are further in their journey.
For me, when I feel the anxiety creeping up, I am quite radical now in exposing myself to it. This could be that a scary thought/idea/intrusion comes up and I am either trying to answer it with „maybe this will happen, maybe not“ or to even agree with the fear.
If this doesn’t work in midst of the crowd, I would look for a ‚quiet’ spot and really take some minutes to sit through the fear, not fighting it, agreeing with it, feeling the adrenaline rise and then at some point fall again.
The better you will become in this, the more you will at some point manage to prevent any reaction to it. Just notice the thought, say to yourself ‚sure, maybe, maybe not‘ and move on with your life.
These techniques are from a Therapy form called ‚Exposure and Response Prevention‘ which is recommended for OCD sufferers. As all of these are in the anxiety spectrum - this therapy method also helps with anxiety attacs, as you often develop this kind of obsessive fear of the fear itself. I can only recommend it - it helped me a lot. After suffering for almost three years from panic attacks, I can say that my last attack is now a few years in the Past already

Oh - and as we are talking about Fusion: drugs might not be the best choice to numb the anxiety. Even though the FoMo might be calling, seeing all the other people having the time of their lifes - you‘re actually not missing out sober but rather experiencing and remembering much more and preventing yourself from a harsh come down, that might increase your anxiety level to the max…
Just be patient and kind with yourself - maybe the times for partying like this will come back in the future. For now, you might need another Fusion experience which may just be equally great <3

Wow, very inspiring! Thanks for sharing your story and giving hope for betterment for all of us <3